Panic mode?

After yet another restless night I decided to take a chance at another morning run as on the late shift for work again. 5k planned, no sure how much I even managed to run as was so very dizzy. I feel as though I'm now going backwards. I enjoy the feeling of running now, the concept of if blows my mind. No matter where I am in the world I will (yes, I WILL once I have fully acquired this skill) be able to run anywhere, just me and the outdoors. All I'll need are my little running shoes. The only problem is, I'm not there yet. I haven't fully been able to just run and run and not get tired/injured, even at doing what most people call an 'easy' 5k. 


Today was especially hard, I go home to shower and lost all strength in my legs resulting in constant dizziness and the inability to get out of bed since, so no work, no work = worry about job = stress = bad run. I think it's a combination of lack of food/water, stress, over tiredness and general not looking after myself. I hope to be better tomorrow, though I still have no capacity to walk around much. The Bath Half is looking further and further away and yet closing in on me... I will do this. But I think I'm in crisis mode!

Hope...

Not sure anyone will have noticed but obviously I haven't 'blogged' in a few days, mainly because I haven't run. It's been an odd week.


A 4 mile run today, I know I did ok but my mind isn't really in this and I found the whole thing so difficult from the very moment I stepped outside my body was fighting me all the way. Motivation is lagging and it's terrifying now as the days wear on and the Bath Half gets closer, could I possibly have taken on too much and put too much pressure on myself? Doesn't sound like something I'd do..... At some point I'm going to have to decide whether I can carry this on. I'm so disappointed in myself for getting this far and being so close to actually enjoying running - my run with Alex last week for example - I think I've just lost all confidence in myself. 


Aimed for a 10k by today just so it would be under my belt, gutted.


Hoping beyond hope for a better week! :)

first morning run

Stayed in Malvern again last night and working the late shift at work so thought I'd take the opportunity to run outside in the daylight. First thing I noticed, there aren't many runners in Malvern compared to Worcester. Seriously, at the moment in Worcester you can't go 5 paces without seeing another runner, Malvern was sparse, probably cause everyone there is of retirement age - not that that should stop people!

So first morning run, planned a 6k but only managed a feeble 5k and it was a massive push. Legs felt like they were anaesthetised and just wouldn't get going. Bonus points for 3 white-van-man beeps as I ran, even in the dire pulled together running gear I had to borrow off my Mum as I only had my gym gear which wouldn't've protected me even slightly from the cold.

Anyway, 5k done today it's quite nice knowing that I don't have to finish work and whack on my gear and run tonight would be better if I wasn't finishing at 8. Oh well. Day 11 done :)

Blogging..

I planned to run this morning before work but that never materialised, however I still felt good after yesterdays triumph! So hit the gym after work, I'm beginning to see a pattern in feeling rubbish after runs at the gym. Maybe its the general vibe of the day, the enclosed space or the masses of people, I don't know but it makes me feel rather rubbish even after completing a run. No endorphins to be found tonight unfortunately and no 6k as I just couldn't push myself to run any further staring at the mute screen (due to no headphones) of some random programme on Viva, so only 5k. No bitchfit though, just a leisurely drive home.

To be honest the hardest part of this is now becoming blogging, I'm finding it monotonous and I find the whole experience kind of self glorifying - is that what I mean? I just feel like my thoughts etc aren't really worth writing down/other people reading about - it started out as a me & Alex thing but as time goes on I'm starting to think he's just in it for the exercise and will leave the blogging to me. I suppose it's a good diary of the effort/runs I'm putting in, but its all rather self indulgent? Is that what I mean? Who knows!

Could this be what endorphins feel like?

Literally just through the door from a 6k run back in Worcester, initially Alex had to convince me that running was a good idea - after the drive home I'd fallen asleep on the sofa watching come dine with me in my comfy pjs (yes, I'd gotten home and gotten straight into my pjs I am a slob!) Alex had to prise me from the sofa, literally. We mapped a 6k as I had said I wanted to increase to 6k this week and I said I would see how I felt at 5k. I ran the entire route bar 2 stops of about 30secs to tie my laces. I actually felt like a proper runner! A 5k time check was 35 mins my PB, which encouraged me to continue running to 6k point. I feel amazing!


Such a boost after last week, I'm feeling so good. In my head I kept thinking about all the people who have sponsered me this week who when I felt like crap I'd get an email saying someone had sponsered me and even though it's been tough I've continued running based on their support and of course all the kind words os support from janathoners. (and of course Alex, I'd probably given up by now without his continued help!) Eurgh, this is disgusting how gushy I am but why not embrace it whilst I can!!


Bring on week 2 I guess!

Yay!

After the past two days escapades I've knocked my own confidence when it came to running, I've been feeling pretty down on myself about the whole thing, panicking about not being able to achieve my goal or run this half marathon in March and letting my charity down - especially as yesterday I received my Parkinsons UK t-shirt and didn't go for a run to wear it in.


We decided to visit Alex's parents down south for the weekend and feeling determined to run I packed up my running gear. After a stint in Southampton and too much traffic to make the cinema we decided an earlier run than planned and then off to cinema after. After much complaining and trying to plead with Alex that I don't think I can run cause my self-confidence had taken a knock he convinced me that I should run - 4 miles nonetheless!! New running gear on plus my Parkinsons UK t-shirt and out the door almost immediately I was hit with a stitch that just wouldn't go. I persevered but had to keep stopping to try to breathe it out. (Note to self I need to learn to breather properly as well as run!!) eventually the stabbing subsided and I managed a pretty consistent run after that with only a few twinges from my shin and ankle. 


We didn't managed the 4 mile route as we wanted to try to actually see the film tonight, mapped it when we got back and it was 5.96k. I feel so proud of myself. Another reminder its all mind over matter. Feeling pretty good, so glad I have a boyfriend who doesn't just let me give in when the going gets tough!


If anyone's interested we saw "127 hours" actually quite enjoyed it, much much gore but quite an amazing story. 


Anyway, hoping this positivity carries on for the rest of the Janathon! Thank you to those who commented with support, will write back when I'm not so tired, but you guys really have helped!

Rest

Yesterdays stress still ringing in my ears I've decided a rest day is in order. This didn't come easy, very disappointed in myself, and feeling really down on myself for it especially as Alex has gone for a 10k anyway. Just done 30 mins of sit-ups and press-ups and tried some yoga positions from the endurance yoga class I used to go to to take the edge off no exercise what-so-ever.

Very annoyed with myself for giving in so early. Not much else to say. Hope everyone else is doing better.