After yet another restless night I decided to take a chance at another morning run as on the late shift for work again. 5k planned, no sure how much I even managed to run as was so very dizzy. I feel as though I'm now going backwards. I enjoy the feeling of running now, the concept of if blows my mind. No matter where I am in the world I will (yes, I WILL once I have fully acquired this skill) be able to run anywhere, just me and the outdoors. All I'll need are my little running shoes. The only problem is, I'm not there yet. I haven't fully been able to just run and run and not get tired/injured, even at doing what most people call an 'easy' 5k.
Today was especially hard, I go home to shower and lost all strength in my legs resulting in constant dizziness and the inability to get out of bed since, so no work, no work = worry about job = stress = bad run. I think it's a combination of lack of food/water, stress, over tiredness and general not looking after myself. I hope to be better tomorrow, though I still have no capacity to walk around much. The Bath Half is looking further and further away and yet closing in on me... I will do this. But I think I'm in crisis mode!
Tuesday 18 January 2011
Sunday 16 January 2011
Hope...
Not sure anyone will have noticed but obviously I haven't 'blogged' in a few days, mainly because I haven't run. It's been an odd week.
A 4 mile run today, I know I did ok but my mind isn't really in this and I found the whole thing so difficult from the very moment I stepped outside my body was fighting me all the way. Motivation is lagging and it's terrifying now as the days wear on and the Bath Half gets closer, could I possibly have taken on too much and put too much pressure on myself? Doesn't sound like something I'd do..... At some point I'm going to have to decide whether I can carry this on. I'm so disappointed in myself for getting this far and being so close to actually enjoying running - my run with Alex last week for example - I think I've just lost all confidence in myself.
Aimed for a 10k by today just so it would be under my belt, gutted.
Hoping beyond hope for a better week! :)
A 4 mile run today, I know I did ok but my mind isn't really in this and I found the whole thing so difficult from the very moment I stepped outside my body was fighting me all the way. Motivation is lagging and it's terrifying now as the days wear on and the Bath Half gets closer, could I possibly have taken on too much and put too much pressure on myself? Doesn't sound like something I'd do..... At some point I'm going to have to decide whether I can carry this on. I'm so disappointed in myself for getting this far and being so close to actually enjoying running - my run with Alex last week for example - I think I've just lost all confidence in myself.
Aimed for a 10k by today just so it would be under my belt, gutted.
Hoping beyond hope for a better week! :)
Tuesday 11 January 2011
first morning run
Stayed in Malvern again last night and working the late shift at work so thought I'd take the opportunity to run outside in the daylight. First thing I noticed, there aren't many runners in Malvern compared to Worcester. Seriously, at the moment in Worcester you can't go 5 paces without seeing another runner, Malvern was sparse, probably cause everyone there is of retirement age - not that that should stop people!
So first morning run, planned a 6k but only managed a feeble 5k and it was a massive push. Legs felt like they were anaesthetised and just wouldn't get going. Bonus points for 3 white-van-man beeps as I ran, even in the dire pulled together running gear I had to borrow off my Mum as I only had my gym gear which wouldn't've protected me even slightly from the cold.
Anyway, 5k done today it's quite nice knowing that I don't have to finish work and whack on my gear and run tonight would be better if I wasn't finishing at 8. Oh well. Day 11 done :)
So first morning run, planned a 6k but only managed a feeble 5k and it was a massive push. Legs felt like they were anaesthetised and just wouldn't get going. Bonus points for 3 white-van-man beeps as I ran, even in the dire pulled together running gear I had to borrow off my Mum as I only had my gym gear which wouldn't've protected me even slightly from the cold.
Anyway, 5k done today it's quite nice knowing that I don't have to finish work and whack on my gear and run tonight would be better if I wasn't finishing at 8. Oh well. Day 11 done :)
Monday 10 January 2011
Blogging..
I planned to run this morning before work but that never materialised, however I still felt good after yesterdays triumph! So hit the gym after work, I'm beginning to see a pattern in feeling rubbish after runs at the gym. Maybe its the general vibe of the day, the enclosed space or the masses of people, I don't know but it makes me feel rather rubbish even after completing a run. No endorphins to be found tonight unfortunately and no 6k as I just couldn't push myself to run any further staring at the mute screen (due to no headphones) of some random programme on Viva, so only 5k. No bitchfit though, just a leisurely drive home.
To be honest the hardest part of this is now becoming blogging, I'm finding it monotonous and I find the whole experience kind of self glorifying - is that what I mean? I just feel like my thoughts etc aren't really worth writing down/other people reading about - it started out as a me & Alex thing but as time goes on I'm starting to think he's just in it for the exercise and will leave the blogging to me. I suppose it's a good diary of the effort/runs I'm putting in, but its all rather self indulgent? Is that what I mean? Who knows!
Sunday 9 January 2011
Could this be what endorphins feel like?
Literally just through the door from a 6k run back in Worcester, initially Alex had to convince me that running was a good idea - after the drive home I'd fallen asleep on the sofa watching come dine with me in my comfy pjs (yes, I'd gotten home and gotten straight into my pjs I am a slob!) Alex had to prise me from the sofa, literally. We mapped a 6k as I had said I wanted to increase to 6k this week and I said I would see how I felt at 5k. I ran the entire route bar 2 stops of about 30secs to tie my laces. I actually felt like a proper runner! A 5k time check was 35 mins my PB, which encouraged me to continue running to 6k point. I feel amazing!
Such a boost after last week, I'm feeling so good. In my head I kept thinking about all the people who have sponsered me this week who when I felt like crap I'd get an email saying someone had sponsered me and even though it's been tough I've continued running based on their support and of course all the kind words os support from janathoners. (and of course Alex, I'd probably given up by now without his continued help!) Eurgh, this is disgusting how gushy I am but why not embrace it whilst I can!!
Bring on week 2 I guess!
Such a boost after last week, I'm feeling so good. In my head I kept thinking about all the people who have sponsered me this week who when I felt like crap I'd get an email saying someone had sponsered me and even though it's been tough I've continued running based on their support and of course all the kind words os support from janathoners. (and of course Alex, I'd probably given up by now without his continued help!) Eurgh, this is disgusting how gushy I am but why not embrace it whilst I can!!
Bring on week 2 I guess!
Saturday 8 January 2011
Yay!
After the past two days escapades I've knocked my own confidence when it came to running, I've been feeling pretty down on myself about the whole thing, panicking about not being able to achieve my goal or run this half marathon in March and letting my charity down - especially as yesterday I received my Parkinsons UK t-shirt and didn't go for a run to wear it in.
We decided to visit Alex's parents down south for the weekend and feeling determined to run I packed up my running gear. After a stint in Southampton and too much traffic to make the cinema we decided an earlier run than planned and then off to cinema after. After much complaining and trying to plead with Alex that I don't think I can run cause my self-confidence had taken a knock he convinced me that I should run - 4 miles nonetheless!! New running gear on plus my Parkinsons UK t-shirt and out the door almost immediately I was hit with a stitch that just wouldn't go. I persevered but had to keep stopping to try to breathe it out. (Note to self I need to learn to breather properly as well as run!!) eventually the stabbing subsided and I managed a pretty consistent run after that with only a few twinges from my shin and ankle.
We didn't managed the 4 mile route as we wanted to try to actually see the film tonight, mapped it when we got back and it was 5.96k. I feel so proud of myself. Another reminder its all mind over matter. Feeling pretty good, so glad I have a boyfriend who doesn't just let me give in when the going gets tough!
If anyone's interested we saw "127 hours" actually quite enjoyed it, much much gore but quite an amazing story.
Anyway, hoping this positivity carries on for the rest of the Janathon! Thank you to those who commented with support, will write back when I'm not so tired, but you guys really have helped!
We decided to visit Alex's parents down south for the weekend and feeling determined to run I packed up my running gear. After a stint in Southampton and too much traffic to make the cinema we decided an earlier run than planned and then off to cinema after. After much complaining and trying to plead with Alex that I don't think I can run cause my self-confidence had taken a knock he convinced me that I should run - 4 miles nonetheless!! New running gear on plus my Parkinsons UK t-shirt and out the door almost immediately I was hit with a stitch that just wouldn't go. I persevered but had to keep stopping to try to breathe it out. (Note to self I need to learn to breather properly as well as run!!) eventually the stabbing subsided and I managed a pretty consistent run after that with only a few twinges from my shin and ankle.
We didn't managed the 4 mile route as we wanted to try to actually see the film tonight, mapped it when we got back and it was 5.96k. I feel so proud of myself. Another reminder its all mind over matter. Feeling pretty good, so glad I have a boyfriend who doesn't just let me give in when the going gets tough!
If anyone's interested we saw "127 hours" actually quite enjoyed it, much much gore but quite an amazing story.
Anyway, hoping this positivity carries on for the rest of the Janathon! Thank you to those who commented with support, will write back when I'm not so tired, but you guys really have helped!
Friday 7 January 2011
Rest
Yesterdays stress still ringing in my ears I've decided a rest day is in order. This didn't come easy, very disappointed in myself, and feeling really down on myself for it especially as Alex has gone for a 10k anyway. Just done 30 mins of sit-ups and press-ups and tried some yoga positions from the endurance yoga class I used to go to to take the edge off no exercise what-so-ever.
Very annoyed with myself for giving in so early. Not much else to say. Hope everyone else is doing better.
Very annoyed with myself for giving in so early. Not much else to say. Hope everyone else is doing better.
Thursday 6 January 2011
Rantings of an emotionally drained amateur runner...
Today again was a tough day, I'm starting to see a pattern here.
Finished work and straight to the gym, in honesty I really wasn't feeling up to it but needs must. After the day I had had a work, and work getting increasingly on my last nerve I wasn't in the best frame of mind. So I headed to the gym and did my usual stretches and hit the treadmill for my 5k run in my grumpus mood and low and behold I found it a massive struggle. I think I'm starting to set unrealistic goals for my running progress in my head as I really hoped that by now I would be loving it and not feeling so tired/dizzy/breathless by the 3.5k point, heck I think I even hoped I'd feel good at the end of the 5k but not such luck. I'm finding it just as tough as when I started.
I made the decision last night I was going to pop back to my parents' house and I'm glad I did, coming home to my Mom and Dad is sometimes just what I need, cried it all out whilst they said supportive parent things like 'you're doing very well' 'I wish I could run like you' etc etc whilst listening to me moan about work/running/money/the vat increase/dinner - I think I just started getting petty. I was feeling really rubbish about my progress and v. worried I won't be able to do the half in March, then I called Alex and he reminded me I've been back at running for only 6 days... 6 days... it's so true. I really need to remind myself that progress isn't easy, if it was then it would be progression. Duh.
I'm getting fed up with running at the gym, for one there are too many people I know that go to my gym and I really don't see it as a place to socialise, two I find running on a treadmill ridiculously boring and three running next to people on the treadmill who put their incline to highest then hold on to the bars as they walk drive me mad. So I'm really looking forward to the weekend cause it means me and Alex can run together outside again, I think I'm embracing the cold it's so much better than feeling hot and sweaty.
Lessons learnt today: My mood seriously effects my running ability. My parents are the most supportive people in the entire world and I take them for granted all too easily. I need to be realistic when it comes to running progression. I really need a good nights sleep.
So amongst all the negativity tomorrows a new day and heres hoping for a better run! Sending good vibes to all Janathoners!! Day 7 here were come.
Finished work and straight to the gym, in honesty I really wasn't feeling up to it but needs must. After the day I had had a work, and work getting increasingly on my last nerve I wasn't in the best frame of mind. So I headed to the gym and did my usual stretches and hit the treadmill for my 5k run in my grumpus mood and low and behold I found it a massive struggle. I think I'm starting to set unrealistic goals for my running progress in my head as I really hoped that by now I would be loving it and not feeling so tired/dizzy/breathless by the 3.5k point, heck I think I even hoped I'd feel good at the end of the 5k but not such luck. I'm finding it just as tough as when I started.
I made the decision last night I was going to pop back to my parents' house and I'm glad I did, coming home to my Mom and Dad is sometimes just what I need, cried it all out whilst they said supportive parent things like 'you're doing very well' 'I wish I could run like you' etc etc whilst listening to me moan about work/running/money/the vat increase/dinner - I think I just started getting petty. I was feeling really rubbish about my progress and v. worried I won't be able to do the half in March, then I called Alex and he reminded me I've been back at running for only 6 days... 6 days... it's so true. I really need to remind myself that progress isn't easy, if it was then it would be progression. Duh.
I'm getting fed up with running at the gym, for one there are too many people I know that go to my gym and I really don't see it as a place to socialise, two I find running on a treadmill ridiculously boring and three running next to people on the treadmill who put their incline to highest then hold on to the bars as they walk drive me mad. So I'm really looking forward to the weekend cause it means me and Alex can run together outside again, I think I'm embracing the cold it's so much better than feeling hot and sweaty.
Lessons learnt today: My mood seriously effects my running ability. My parents are the most supportive people in the entire world and I take them for granted all too easily. I need to be realistic when it comes to running progression. I really need a good nights sleep.
So amongst all the negativity tomorrows a new day and heres hoping for a better run! Sending good vibes to all Janathoners!! Day 7 here were come.
Running again...
Finished work at 4.30 again and got my microsim to make my iPhone work again (yay!) and off for a shift 5k at the gym.. Swift?!!
I managed it in 46mins today with only a .5k walk- v proud but my body hates me. It hates me so much that for the first time in a while I even braved the lift up to the flat which I have avoided since Alex made me watch "devil" m
Nighshamamalamalala which ok isn't the scariest film but I think I've painted a prett clear image of how much of a pussy I am!! So you can imagine my body was complaining a fair bit to risk a lift journey!!
I'm now currently at villa game, I prepared for the cold with 4 layers and two pairs of gloves - I am toasty, let's hope second half is better than the first or it'll be a long grumpy ride home with two boys!!
Day 5 done and happy birthday to an old dear friend!
Just to make the most of this I am blogging on my iPhone - such luxury!!
I managed it in 46mins today with only a .5k walk- v proud but my body hates me. It hates me so much that for the first time in a while I even braved the lift up to the flat which I have avoided since Alex made me watch "devil" m
Nighshamamalamalala which ok isn't the scariest film but I think I've painted a prett clear image of how much of a pussy I am!! So you can imagine my body was complaining a fair bit to risk a lift journey!!
I'm now currently at villa game, I prepared for the cold with 4 layers and two pairs of gloves - I am toasty, let's hope second half is better than the first or it'll be a long grumpy ride home with two boys!!
Day 5 done and happy birthday to an old dear friend!
Just to make the most of this I am blogging on my iPhone - such luxury!!
Tuesday 4 January 2011
Loooonng day
Back to work properly today, eurgh, that's all I can say. Had to run chores after work, pick up my new iPhone (yay!) and fix car - I now have working screenwash again after 4 weeks of dirty screen, then straight to gym.
I actually managed to run again today, 5k. YES! So proud of myself, I did a 2.5k at quite a fast pace for me then .5k at a fast walk when my ankle started twingeing then finished the 2k at an even faster pace. I'm starting to think that the issue with my ankle comes from being too reliant on treadmill running, my ankle isn't used to it, so that may be something I have to work on. Still, so proud of myself for just getting through the run with a dodgy ankle.
Ridiculously long day though, started work at 8.30am and finished at 4.30, after all my chores, the gym and then a trip to Sainsburys and Tesco (Sainsburys had nothing... come on people get it together!) I've finally gotten home at 7.45 to clean the kitchen whilst Alex cooks me dinner... Needless to say, I long for bedtime, only to do it all again tomorrow minus the chores and shopping PLUS my first ever premiership (?) football match -Villa, hope I enjoy it.
I actually managed to run again today, 5k. YES! So proud of myself, I did a 2.5k at quite a fast pace for me then .5k at a fast walk when my ankle started twingeing then finished the 2k at an even faster pace. I'm starting to think that the issue with my ankle comes from being too reliant on treadmill running, my ankle isn't used to it, so that may be something I have to work on. Still, so proud of myself for just getting through the run with a dodgy ankle.
Ridiculously long day though, started work at 8.30am and finished at 4.30, after all my chores, the gym and then a trip to Sainsburys and Tesco (Sainsburys had nothing... come on people get it together!) I've finally gotten home at 7.45 to clean the kitchen whilst Alex cooks me dinner... Needless to say, I long for bedtime, only to do it all again tomorrow minus the chores and shopping PLUS my first ever premiership (?) football match -Villa, hope I enjoy it.
Monday 3 January 2011
Oh and..
Anyone else having trouble logging exercise on freerunning? My page just doesn't ever load, am I being thick? I've signed up to dailymile.com to keep track but freerunningonline is driving me mad.
And on the third day she didn't run :(
With my ankle not feeling great we decided to give it a slight rest and walk the route this evening but we cut it short and only did 3.8k in about an hour. I think this too may have been a bad idea as my left leg is trying to compensate and not put my entire weight on the right side as now I have pain in my left shin. Left shin, right ankle down... third day.. not good! However, as my ever encouraging boyfriend pointed out I probably should have worn more appropriate footwear for the walk, so I'm hoping the shin pain could be down to this!
Hoping tomorrow is more successful on the run front though it maybe a gym/treadmill jobby as we're both back to work now and I think Alex wants to have some proper training sometime this century and with me as his exercise partner it's not looking too hopeful.. positively speaking though I am beginning to see that this could have been a big ask of my body and I may have been putting quite a bit of pressure on myself. I'm never going to learn to love running if I keep putting such high expectations on myself. A mantra I need to keep telling myself, without it turning into an excuse not to push myself though!!
Another day of shopping today, more successful than previous trips resulting in new professional running gear, if thats not a reason to get out and running again I don't know what is! Hopefully these minor aches and pains are just par of the course and nothing too serious, probably just the initial shock to the system after not running for a while - fingers crossed.
Thanks to all for the continued support :) - I am now going to start commenting on fellow janathoners blogs - and for the audiofuel explanations, definitely something to look into!
Hoping tomorrow is more successful on the run front though it maybe a gym/treadmill jobby as we're both back to work now and I think Alex wants to have some proper training sometime this century and with me as his exercise partner it's not looking too hopeful.. positively speaking though I am beginning to see that this could have been a big ask of my body and I may have been putting quite a bit of pressure on myself. I'm never going to learn to love running if I keep putting such high expectations on myself. A mantra I need to keep telling myself, without it turning into an excuse not to push myself though!!
Another day of shopping today, more successful than previous trips resulting in new professional running gear, if thats not a reason to get out and running again I don't know what is! Hopefully these minor aches and pains are just par of the course and nothing too serious, probably just the initial shock to the system after not running for a while - fingers crossed.
Thanks to all for the continued support :) - I am now going to start commenting on fellow janathoners blogs - and for the audiofuel explanations, definitely something to look into!
Sunday 2 January 2011
It gets harder before it gets easier?
Just done another 5k, not very happy about how it went to be honest. As mentioned yesterday there was a disconcerting feeling in my right ankle, today it wasn't good at all. Alex as ever is the most supportive running partner :) but I know I'm ruining his training. Nonetheless I am vehement in seeing this out to the bitter end, even if it means crawling by the end of January :) and the entire 13.1 miles of the Bath Half.
Having a quick look on other janathoners blogs has actually made me feel a little better, as have the comments that have been left (thanks!!!), when I read some of the blogs prior to 1/1/11 I was feeling quite coy about the run, everyone seemed so pro with no problems dragging themselves out of bed to run a swift 1500000 miles but now its started and I've read others' progress its nice to kinda see everyone not finding it as easy as I thought they would! I am intrigued by others' use of audiofuel - sponsers of the Janathon - but I'm confused as to how it works/what it does. I am looking for more running motivation and it seems to be getting great reviews so it maybe worth me looking into it abit more, if not for running use but to at least find out about the Janathon sponsers!
However, the 2nd Jan doesn't live up to yesterdays escapades as I lost my iPhone :( good thing I took the insurance (let that be a lesson to you kids!!) on the plus side Alex got us tv - it's not been working for about a month now - what a guy!!
Having a quick look on other janathoners blogs has actually made me feel a little better, as have the comments that have been left (thanks!!!), when I read some of the blogs prior to 1/1/11 I was feeling quite coy about the run, everyone seemed so pro with no problems dragging themselves out of bed to run a swift 1500000 miles but now its started and I've read others' progress its nice to kinda see everyone not finding it as easy as I thought they would! I am intrigued by others' use of audiofuel - sponsers of the Janathon - but I'm confused as to how it works/what it does. I am looking for more running motivation and it seems to be getting great reviews so it maybe worth me looking into it abit more, if not for running use but to at least find out about the Janathon sponsers!
However, the 2nd Jan doesn't live up to yesterdays escapades as I lost my iPhone :( good thing I took the insurance (let that be a lesson to you kids!!) on the plus side Alex got us tv - it's not been working for about a month now - what a guy!!
Saturday 1 January 2011
Let's Run This Run!
MERRY NEW YEAR!!
First 5k done. Not gonna lie it wasn't the easiest but (and I guess this is why the Janathon is known as the festival of activity & excuses...) having not run a "proper" outdoor run since the end of November and having only started this whole running thing 8 weeks previous I'm not sure what I've gotten myself into.
I actually feel ok, but almost as soon as I started running the left side of my right ankle started pulling, I persevered but it's disconcerting to say the least. I'm determined to continue and get to that point when I love the feeling of running.
On the upside, I didn't have a bitchfit and I didn't complain that I'm rubbish at the end... WIN!
First one down though, it can only get better :)
Oh, and on a slight tangent saw Christopher Biggins.. 2011 is already turning out to be awesome :)
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